that's not as easy a question to answer as it would seem. If someone was being abused, then all attempts should be made to leave the situation including counseling. But if that is not the case, then the marriage is very important and should come first. If the marriage fails then there's one more kid with a single parent. that is not to say that children's needs should not be considered, but that the marriage is very important. if the couple's relationship is in good standing and the two people respect and love one another, they make better parents.
there are also cases when the marriage is clearly failing and one partner is more invested in making it work than the other and the children take a back seat - often. in that case i would say that is not very healthy. it is a balance and sometimes getting outside help is necessary or simply knowing when it's over.Mother: Honestly, do you do things to keep your marriage at the expense of your children?
I'm not exactly sure what you mean. I do have the occasional date night with my husband and the kids have a babysitter and once a year for my anniversary my husband and I go away for two nights while the grandparents babysit -- but I don't really think that's at the kids' ';expense'; because I think it's good for them to sometimes experience the styles of other caring adults besides me and my husband.
Similarly, I will sometimes tell the kids I can't play because I'm talking to their dad. The conversation is good for my marriage. However, again, I don't think it's really at my kids' expense, as they need to learn that everyone in the family gets time to talk to everyone else, and that it's not polite to interrupt. Obviously I spend plenty of time talking to and playing with them, as well.
Since my kids were present and witnessed my violent home invasion last year, I feel it is my duty to not put them through any more distress at this time.
Their father has got himself a girlfriend who now lives in our spare room. They are relatively unaware of their relationship due to our house being a half way house for family and friends anyway, they believe she is just another guest.
So, I keep the peace. I don't ***** at her or him, and I pretty much do everything around them to avoid any kind of nastiness.
Obviously my marriage is over, we are just living as a married couple, paying the mortgage, taking kids to sports etc. There will come a time when the kids are a little more stable, (probably when the court case is over), that I will be able to confidently leave.
My parents stayed togeather ';for us kids'; and now (I am 50) I can tell you that they did us no favors. There was abuse and never peace. We lived in fear all the time. But even in a home where there is no abuse, children can sense the tension that is there. If you are not happy and have tried consuling and all that you can to save your marriage, then it may be time to get out. The kids will adust to you being apart and it will be much better for them than to have them in an unstable environment or one filled with tension all the time.
No. I have made decisions in regards to my husband at my kids expense. But i have never done anything to ';keep'; my marriage at their expense. My marriage isnt in trouble of failing. But when my husband was injured I made the choice to bring him home (he was injured across country) and care for him. My kids had to relearn their days, learn how to handle his injuries and difficulties, and learn how to deal with a dad who cant really do ';dad'; things anymore. I have watched my kids struggle with that and its heart breaking. My son would mope and be withdrawn while his body language screamed at wanting to play football with his Dad. My youngest child didnt want a birthday party this year because of how her dad would feel. My children spent the first 4 months of my husband being home waking in the middle of the night and climbing into our bed just to be reassured their dad was safe. My kids attended school and then 2 hours of therapy after to deal with the changes. My family has definately suffered because of what happened and my choices surrounding it. I wouldnt change the decisions i made though. My husband is 1 person in our family. I wouldnt leave my child if they were injured and I wont leave my husband for it either.
My marriage is such that I would never have to 'do something's at the expense of my children. My husband and I both want the best for our children and, thankfully, we agree in our parenting decisions. The few that we don't agree on, I let my husband decide. This has worked for the 15 years we have been married and we have a happy marriage to prove it.
If I had to do something 'at their expense', it would obviously depend on what that entailed. If you mean at the expense of their safety, then of course not. My children need us (my husband and I) to keep them safe and I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize their well being. If you mean at the expense of their pleasure , then possibly. If my husband didn't want them to do a certain thing (whatever) and I didn't really care either way, I would back him up. This would be at the expense of their pleasure for the e sake of my marriage.
If the day came when I had to choose who to please and the choice didn't involve anything 'harmful' to my children, I will always choose my husband. He is the other part of my (as God intended). He is the one I will be with for the rest of my life; not them. They are going to grow up an get married and have a marriage of their own and (hopefully) put their wife/husband first. I can't expect my children to provide my happiness. It isn't fair to them and it isn't the right order of things. I love them and I would die for them, no doubt, but as long as their safety isn't at risk, I will always put my husband first.
i once said to my mother in law when she was hidding from her husband cause he was being an ars, why do you stay with him i asked? she said for the kids? i replied the kids can see how un happy you are and it might take a little will to get back on your feet but atleast the kids will start to see a happier mum then a unhappy one if you were to leave him......
about a week later she kicked him out, it was the best thing she could of ever done but maybe the hardest but now worth it
Our marriage includes the responsibility, fun %26amp; challenges of being parents. So, in our case, anyway, choosing to neglect our responsibility towards our children in intentional and unnecessary way would probably put our marriage at risk, as we would lose respect for each other.
no i don't. My husband was arguing with me for no reason on saturday evening, being completely unreasonable. I told him that i will not have my 2 children exposed to an environment where the parents are shouting in front of the children. I would rather bring them up on my own then cause them upset. My children come first ----- they did not choose to be here
My children and their happiness and safety came well before my marriage as he was abusive
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